“You don’t ever realize how strong you are until being strong is all you have left.”

I am nonstop busy here. It’s crazy. Lunch time feels like it should be dinner and then dinner time is only 445 and it feels like 10 or 11 some days. I never get as much sleep as I would like…I always feel like I was in a deep sleep when I get rudely awoken to the morning.

Also…great devotional we had by Elder Corbridge of the 70 and his wife had a story and someone said to a sister missionary that didn’t really get the language. “You have a light. You don’t need words.” I hope to be like that. I won’t have the language so I need to have the light.

I am so excited to see Alex (von Schlegell) today! I hope he is in my zone!(he is a friend from CA going to serve a mission in Ukraine) That would be so great. We went to the temple earlier today and laundry later so we could go together with our district. We love them. I love them. some of our elders and sister dexter and I bonded last night and i felt SO great about it. It was so needed for the four of us and we love each other so much more!

It is so hard to not compare sometimes. Esp0ecially when (I feel like) my companion is rubbing it in my face that she is easily able to speak the language. I watched a mormon messages video on Esther (see below) and it hit me so hard. I loved it. although I hated it because it means it is not going to get easier.”You don’t ever realize how strong you are until being strong is all you have left.” I am strong enough to do this and my limits are being tested. Daily I have deelings of inadequacy, doubt, and frustration but I KNOW that I can be successful and more with Faith and if I rely on the Lord. My prayers have continually become more sincere and I have been praying for Humility and patience probably….in every prayer that I give. I need to be like Esther and have faith that with the lord and a LOT of work I will be able to communicate with the Russian people in their language and I will also be able to enjoy my companions presence a little bit more. I love her, I just don’t “like” her a lot of times.

Alma 22–I am a mouthpiece of the Lord like Aaron was. I can convert kingdoms if I am able to live worthy of the spirit and help them to understand the gospel and Heavenly Fathers Love for them through the Holy Ghost.

One of the biggest things I learned….The Lord is willing to shower miracles around me if I go out of my comfort zone (which means speaking Russian even though I feel like I know NOTHING) and have Faith. Also, If I do not have faith he will not be blessed with the gift of tongues.

We have one of THE best teachers at the MTC. I am convinced. His name is Brother Williams. He served in the Baltic Mission and is recently married. He is so good at letting us have fun for a second but redirecting us immediately and bringing the Spirit back to the room so we are able to focus, understand and learn more. However, although he is my favorite teacher (we have three), I am the most terrified of him. He has this expectation for us and faith in us that is beyond me. I never feel like I can meet his expectations yet at the same time I KNOW that I can meet these expectations. He looks at me with this look and I say “BEPA!” (Which means Faith.) Also, Lazarus’s story… I need to have faith. Somewhere in the middle he looks at martha and basically says Do you have faith in me? I can heal him.

Question to all. How can I be more compassionate and less selfish? How can I serve others and stop trying to put myself first? Christ always put us first and served us when if we had been in his position we would have chosen to be selfish.
Also, Am I truly converted unto the Lord??

Love you guys so much!!!!!! Miss you like crazy but then I don’t at the same time. I will write letters too after we go eat lunch now.

XOXO
Cectpa Schaff

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